How I (sometimes) Pray
Posted: December 3, 2014 Filed under: Prayer, Spirituality | Tags: prayer, spirituality 4 Comments
I don’t know when it happened. And if I had known it was going to, I think I would have mistaken the Holy Spirit for the devil. Not that that would have been the first time. But I’m stalling, because I’m trying to write while eating some really good meatloaf. Never mix writing with eating really good meatloaf.
Some friends and I were having a conversation about prayer recently. We were discussing some of our personal disappointments associated with prayer – how the answers we’re looking for when we pray are very often not the answers we get – if we can detect an answer at all.
That’s when I realized it had happened.
Somewhere along the line, I had given up in despair any hope of God changing whatever circumstance I happened to be asking Him (in great power and faith, of course!) to change. Not that He NEVER changed them. But not usually.
I think it’s because I’m so immature. Really. I am.
It’s not that He isn’t answering my prayers. He is. But His ways are not my ways.
One of the first things I learned about God, once I got past my “Super Christian!” stage, was that I’m not Him. I was kinda relieved to find that out.
Rather than change my circumstances, God changes me. Or, at least, He guides me through the process of learning how to navigate gracefully the circumstances I go to Him complaining about.
Did I say gracefully? Well. I’m ashamed to say that not even God gets everything He wants. Thank you, Father, for being so patient!
I’m really, really thankful that He hasn’t given up on me. I would have. But His ways are not my ways.
Anyway, the way I (sometimes) pray is, I just talk to God about what’s on my mind. That’s all I wanted to say.
Peace and prosperity to you, the reader!
Thank you for being so honest about prayer and the ” most often” reaction I personally get from it. I have struggled the last 7 yrs with the fact that God chose not to answer (in my human opinion) my BIG prayers. I was being pretty generous in allowing him to take time off from my little prayers and daily needs. Allowing him to focus on what I felt were clearly the most important and pressing prayers. SURELY we were on the same page !!!! Boy was I disappointed in God !! Talk about ” bait and switch” !!! Ok ,, that’s how I explain the up-down-all-around sadness I felt,,, and so many others feel too, when God says ” No”,,, or “not now”. When I’m in the moment of pain,, God’s beautiful , loving voice says,,,, ” Kate,, I hear you Lovey,,, not right now,,, please stop asking,,,, I know best,,, I’m so sorry you are so sad,,, I love you “. It didn’t take away all the pain,,, and he didn’t seem to mind that I ( sometimes) was angry ,, but he did seem to ” allow” the heartfelt , honest , reaction I had. There truly is only one Throne,, and God Almighty is already sitting there,,, THANK GOD !! ,,, I’m gonna keep on talking to him,,, and sharing everything,,, I’m confidant that he can handle it,,, and I don’t need to know “why”,,, frankly it’s none of business. God doesn’t need an assistant,, but he loves that I like to act like I got the promotion !!! Xoxox love you Dennis !!! Keep writing !!!
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Well, I’m thinking about how we are all in various stages of learning….like children….and I am thankful that I don’t have to grow up into an independent super spiritual adult who can handle everything alone. I will always need Abba and He likes it that way!
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I feel like there is more to hear….like a part two…. You are very good at blogging.
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Thanks, Julie. I may just write part 2.
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